


Like an etch mark on our wall

by Kyriadamorte



Series: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy Ficlet Collections [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Finn backstory, Fluff, Force-Sensitive Finn, even more Finn backstory, some dark themes (ch 2), tw self harm (minor) for chapter 2, with a side of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-02-08 15:38:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12867693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyriadamorte/pseuds/Kyriadamorte
Summary: A collection of my smaller FinnRey one-shots.Summary of latest chapter:There once was a boy with a stone.It was small and round and fit perfectly in his palm.  He used to sit on his mother's lap while she sang and peeled baakka-roots."Remember, my son, we came from the Mountain.  The Mountain protected us and will keep on protecting us, if we remember to keep it with us."She places her rough hand beneath his and he giggles, knowing what's coming.  She breathes deep and he breathes with her and he can feel the light within her, can feel the light within himself.  The stone begins to shake, begins to wiggle and then - lifts!  It floats before his face and it's just as amazing as the first time.(A Force-sensitive Finn one-shot)





	1. A Leisurely Piggy-back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The whole situation is embarrassing and borderline ridiculous.
> 
> Some hero she’s turned out to be. She knows the mantle of Jedi doesn’t quite fit her now, was never going to really fit her, but scarily-powerful force wielder is supposed to come with at least the bare minimum of…you know…decorum. Dignity. That sort of thing.
> 
> OR
> 
> That one where Finn gives Rey a piggy-back.
> 
> Inspired by prompt and prompt-response over at luminouspeanutgallery.

The whole situation is embarrassing and borderline ridiculous.

Some hero she’s turned out to be.  She knows the mantle of Jedi doesn’t quite fit her now, was never going to really fit her, but scarily-powerful force wielder is supposed to come with at least the bare minimum of…you know…decorum.  Dignity.  That sort of thing.

Myths and legends never talked about the hero spraining their ankle because they leaned too far over on rocky and treacherous terrain to take a look at a fluffy baby  _pekaran._

In her defense, they were really quite cute.  Finn thought so, too.

“I really am so sorry about all this,” she says, for probably the fifth time at this point.

It still makes her itch a bit between her shoulders to rely on someone like this.  On Jakku, she dealt with all her injuries herself.  Sure, it meant she’d have to drag herself across the desert, have to stop far too often, have to make portions stretch farther than they should.  It was usually better than the alternative, though. 

Relying on others could mean getting left in the middle of nowhere, parts gone, no water or rations, no shelter.  Relying on others let them know where your home was, let them know you were vulnerable.  Relying on others could get you killed.

She takes a centering breath.  This isn’t relying on someone, Rey reminds herself.  This is relying on  _Finn_.  Finn, who came back for her.  Finn who always comes back for her.  Finn who carries her.  

Sure, up until now it’s been the metaphorical sort, but he’s also quite good at the literal kind as well, as it turns out.

“And I told you it’s  _really_  not that big a deal.”

She can’t see his face, but she can sense his smile.

Still.

“You’ve been carrying me for over two kilometers,” she insists.

“So?  We’re not going that fast.  If I need to stop, we’ll stop.”

He takes a quick breath and his posture shifts slightly the way it does when he speaks of his life from  _before._

“There were training exercises we had to do.  Big long loops.  10k or so?  Longest one was 25.”  His speech has gone clipped and rushed. “Anyway, once we turned fifteen, we’d do them with all our supplies strapped to our back.  If you went too slow, you were cut.”

She has a feeling she knows what that means.  You probably don’t just get dismissed from the stormtrooper program.

“And, you know, you’re so scrawny that you’re way lighter than anything I had to carry.  This is nice and relaxing.  Would barely notice you were there, if you didn’t keep jabbering.”

It’s an obvious attempt to diffuse the tense atmosphere that has descended on the conversation.  It mostly works.

“Hey!” she replies, torn between laughter and mock-outrage.

“Don’t worry,” he says. “When I do something dumb and need you to carry me, I’ll make sure to do it somewhere much closer to base.”

She flicks his ear and grins into the crook of his neck and feels his muscles bend and flex beneath her as they make their way towards Resistance headquarters.  She blushes slightly at the sensation.

Yes, the whole thing is still terribly embarrassing.

Worth it, though.


	2. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In her dreams, Rey falls and falls and falls in a hundred different ways, but Finn’s warm hands are there to catch her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Post-TLJ fic. Slightly experimental quality. 
> 
> TW for self-harm and dark stuff generally. Please feel free to contact me if you'd like any clarification before you read!

 

Scratch.Scratch.Scratch. 

 

Rey carves another mark into the wall of the AT-AT.It starts to bleed at its tip, a single drop rolling down.She doesn’t dwell on it before carving another.And another.And another and another.It doesn’t matter that she’s not sure if the days have actually passed; she’s got to keep carving them, has to keep doing _something_ while she waits for her family to return.The blood keeps dribbling down, slowly, slowly.She covers the walls, every inch available, but her parents aren’t here, not yet, so she has to keep going, has to keep making marks.She moves to her arm, one, two, three-

 

A hand stops her mid-motion.Finn looks at her, sadder than she’s ever seen him, sadder than she ever wants to see him.

 

“Rey, _please_.”

 

“I have to do this.I have to wait until they come for me.”

 

“No, Rey, you don’t.We’re more than the numbers they made us.”

 

~

 

Rey sees the ground open up beneath her and she’s falling, falling.She knows where she’s going, knows what’s coming, but the icy cold water hits her all the same.She flails, desert creature that she is, and pushes her way towards the surface.Kick, kick, but she’s not moving.Air should be getting closer, but she can’t breathe, can’t breathe-

 

A strong hand grabs her around the wrist and pulls her, gasping, from the dark.

 

“I’ve got you,” Finn’s voice says next to her ear and he does; of course he does.

 

~

 

Wave after wave of stormtroopers come at her, blasters in hand.She spins and blocks and slices through them one by one.She is exhilarated, invigorated, radiant and righteous.Soon, she is surrounded by her slain enemies and faced with only one final foe.She runs him through in one quick stroke, but as he falls to the ground, his mask fades away and she is staring at Finn’s face, looking up at her in shock and grief and betrayal.

 

Words echo around her, around them - a haunting prophecy.

 

_“It’s time for the Jedi to end.”_

 

She screams.

 

~

 

When she wakes up, she’s still screaming, but Finn’s arms are so quick to pull her to his chest and his soft, wonderful voice is already whispering soothing nothings in her ear.She’s still not used to sharing a bed with someone, of the constant touching, but now she finds she cannot stop, lest he disappear.She runs her hands over his chest, back and forth, searching for a wound she knows isn’t there (but, gods, _what if_?).

 

He doesn’t seem to fully understand (although that might be because she cannot manage much more than _I killed you. I killed you. Gods help me, I_ killed _you.),_ but he comforts her all the same, indulging her when she presses her ear against his heart.

 

_I live. I live. I live._

 

She curls up close against his chest and lets the rhythm soothe her to sleep, more perfect than any lullaby.

 

As she drifts out of consciousness, she feels his soft lips on her forehead.

 

~

 

This is not the last night that Rey wakes screaming.She falls and falls and falls in a hundred different ways, but Finn’s warm hands are there to catch her - both within her dreams and without.

 

And there are nights, she knows, when she catches him, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written after waking up in a haze at about 4 in the morning with a plot bunny screaming at me so...hopefully it turned out ok?
> 
> Also, I love how my muse decided to work on NONE of the Finnrey WIPs I have, but instead chugged this out all in one go.


	3. Lifting Rocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There once was a boy with a stone.
> 
> It was small and round and fit perfectly in his palm. He used to sit on his mother's lap while she sang and peeled baakka-roots.
> 
> "Remember, my son, we came from the Mountain. The Mountain protected us and will keep on protecting us, if we remember to keep it with us." 
> 
> She places her rough hand beneath his and he giggles, knowing what's coming. She breathes deep and he breathes with her and he can feel the light within her, can feel the light within himself. The stone begins to shake, begins to wiggle and then - lifts! It floats before his face and it's just as amazing as the first time.
> 
> (A Force-sensitive Finn one-shot)

There once was a boy with a stone.

 

It was small and round and fit perfectly in his palm.He used to sit on his mother's lap while she sang and peeled _baakka_ -roots.

 

"Remember, my son, we came from the Mountain.The Mountain protected us and will keep on protecting us, if we remember to keep it with us."

 

She places her rough hand beneath his and he giggles, knowing what's coming.She breathes deep and he breathes with her and he can feel the light within her, can feel the light within himself.The stone begins to shake, begins to wiggle and then - lifts!It floats before his face and it's just as amazing as the first time.

 

~

 

Soldiers come and rip him from his small home.He hears the screams of the other village children as they are also taken and he freezes.He can't move, can't breathe - _where's his mama_?

 

As if he'd called her through the warm, soft connection between them (perhaps he _had_ ), she appears in the doorway.Soldiers fall as she spins and jabs with an old broom handle.She was not ready; she had no weapons, but she is the strength of the Mountain and she _fights._

 

It's not enough.

 

~

 

He's locked in a room with a dozen other children. They all scream and wail and beg to go home.

 

The boy, though - he is silent.His eyes are wide and unseeing.His small hand clutches at nothing.

 

His stone lies abandoned on the floor of a house burning slowly to the ground.

 

~

 

The years pass and he forgets so many things.He forgets his mother's face.He forgets the name of his village.He forgets the taste of _baakka-_ root.

 

He forgets the strength of the Mountain.

 

Still, sometimes, when he is nervous or lonely or afraid, his thumb runs back and forth over his palm, feeling for a stone that is not there.

 

~

 

He walks sterile hallways, surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of other boys and girls who were taken from their families.Their minds, their presence speak to him in whispering, nudging tugs, but it's all in a language he's forgotten how to speak.

 

He fights and trains and spars.His… _instincts_ …give him an edge and he wins and he wins and he wins.But he cannot be the weapon that Phasma wants to craft him into.He cannot be truly vicious, truly ruthless when he can feel their fear beneath his skin.

 

He doesn't know how to listen, but he cannot seem to stop hearing, either.

 

~

 

On Jakku, the villagers' fear presses in on him from all sides and he can barely breathe.His finger freezes on the trigger and there's a piercing, brilliant awareness as Kylo Ren's gaze locks with his.Something calls to him, louder and clearer than he can ever remember. He thinks maybe he calls out to him, too, though he doesn't mean to.

 

The entire flight back, he his heart pounds and his thumb picks at his palm.He knows he has to leave, but he doesn't know how.

 

( _Run, run, my baby boy!)_

 

~

 

The pilot, brash and bold and bleeding, tugs at his frantic mind.He needs him.They need each other.He walks to the holding cell, frightened, but with steps as steady as stone.

 

~

 

He stumbles about after he cuts the strings tying him to the First Order, but a name of his own and a girl with a presence like sunshine keep him from falling.When his thumb goes to worry his palm in habit, her hand is there and he feels slightly less empty.

 

~

 

When he faces Kylo Ren again, the man is thunderstorm.Grief and rage and self-loathing batter at him louder than anything Finn has ever experienced, but he needs to focus, needs to protect Rey.He tries to tap into that _thing_ that has always given him an edge, but he _can't_ , it's too much, too _loud-_

 

A white hot pain sears a stripe up his spine and then he is in darkness.

 

~

 

The bombers fall and scream and die and the pain of it wakes him from the coma he's been in.He hears what's happened to Rey and it does little to soothe his worries.

 

The next few days are a blur.He falls and rises and falls again and the ground never feels quite steady.Still…

 

He learns to stand on his own.He learns to stand _for_ something.

 

Throughout it all, though, his thumb moves back and forth against his empty palm, searching for something he cannot remember.

 

~

 

Finn's power doesn't yell and rage and push at everything the way Rey's does.It's not showy, not normally, just little tugs here or there.Whispers pulling at him and instincts guiding his steps in ways that are easily ignored or excused or pushed aside.Maybe that's why no one realizes what it is, not even him.Not until a rockslide nearly crushes the last of the Resistance as they wind their way through a narrow valley, dodging the First Order troops who don't dare venture lower. 

 

He doesn't think, just throws up his hands and braces himself.The debris stops midair above them and there's a moment when they're all just staring.He can't keep it suspended, doesn't really know how he stopped it in the first place, but he manages long enough for them to roll out of the way before it all comes crashing to the ground.

 

Rey runs back from where she'd gone scouting ahead, startled by the noise.She must have seen what happened because her eyes are wide with astonishment.The corner of her mouth quirks up, though, once she realizes he's okay.

 

"Is everyone alright?" she shouts down the valley.

 

He looks around and then… _feels_ around.Scared, yes, but unharmed.

 

"Yeah," he says, breathless. "Yeah, we're all okay."

 

( _The mountain will not harm you, dear boy._ )

 

~

 

He expects their first lesson to…well, to be like the training he's already familiar with - staves, maybe some sparring.Definitely more movement.

 

Instead, they sit across from each other, quiet and cross-legged.She meets his gaze and gives him a soft smile.He smiles back - can't stop himself, really, not when Rey smiles first.He bites his lip, though, a bit nervous, which silly because this is nothing _new_ ; it's just him, just what's always been there, and _Rey -_ Rey, who fills the emptiness in his hand and heart.They're going to be fine, right?Right.

 

"So…what are we doing?" he asks, trying to sound braver than he feels.

 

She smiles and places a small, round, smooth stone in the center of his palm.

 

"Lifting rocks."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All lore-stuff in this is my own creation because I'm I don't like being pinned down by Wookiepedia. Some of it is more fleshed out than others, but, if you have questions, I'll answer to the best of my ability. Basically, I like to think of (this version of) Finn's homeworld/people as having a high percentage of force-sensitives, but they don't necessarily call it that. They've mostly avoided Jedi and their Nonsense TM.
> 
> Also, administrative question: I've got a couple of higher-rating/more sexually explicit one-shots in the works. Would y'all rather I put them in here and then just put a rating on each chapter or should I keep these G-T and then have a separate collection for M/E rated one shots? I'm not bothered either way; whatever works for you.


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